Dear Husband...please have safe adultery

Honey can I divorce your family?

A stinky situation...better stay upwind.

Speaking of Stupid Sh* from Florida the new butthash trend.
< / *** GROSSOUT *** >

Happy Birthday, son.

Bringing an end to colourful judges in China.

Camel Beauty contest is an affront to God.

And lastly...a delicious, chocolaty, $25,000 dessert!

Quote of the Day:
With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.
- PJ O'Rourke
12:36pm. Edited to add this brilliant piece!

Bye by Wedgies!

Happy Holidays from your local axe murder?!

All I want for Christmas.

If You've never seen an Elephant ski, then you've never been on acid!

It couldn't happen to smarter guy.

Some days you just can't win

Perhaps size matters a wee bit?

Those whacky papists

Stephen King tale

Quote of the day:
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
- Aesop

(talk about there being nothing new under the sun!)
aamusedinatx: (coffeeblack)
Cutting those Apron Strings.

Get your holiday gift for your honey early!

Yeah, Scotland...It was nice to know ya...

And one wonders who this custom ringtone signifies...

A Papist Brawl!

It could be worse.

Alas and farewell Miss MoneyPenny.

Crouching Tigress

Who's Yer Daddy?!

Bada Bing Bada Boom.

Quote of the day:
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
- Mark Twain
The Missing Links

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane.

A kiss is just a kiss, but is a kilogram still just a kilogram?


Take that, grasshopper!

MP3 Vibrator. Talk about a twofer device. (photo of vibe, but not in use--safe for some workplaces)

I'm not addicted, I can quit any time!

Dooooesssss Your Chewing Gum Lose it's Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?

Quote of the Day:
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
- Scott Adams
Your Money or...

et tu Brute?

Snakes on a Plane! ORly? YaRly!

A fish tale.

The ugly get their due.

Remind me why I'm going to Nepal?

They robed my hardware store in downtown Berkeley on Tuesday night! The Brazen Dorks were nabbed only a mile from my house. They are going away for a long time :)

Bush Por(n)trait

Quote of the day:
Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.
- Stephen King
A trip to Hooters by a group of off-duty police officers has some leaders of an Orange County community upset because their town was left without local police coverage for the night.

A Russian man is recovering after his ex-wife set fire to his penis.

The woman is reported to have lost her her temper as he sat watching TV - naked and sipping vodka.

Russian leader Vladimir Putin has inadvertently become a gay icon after stripping down to the waist on a fishing trip.

A sex mad Scottish koala bear is in demand after an experiment in which he was asked to show an Austrian bear the facts of life.

Managers at Vienna's Schoenbrunn zoo had despaired their own male koala would ever get to grips with the bear necessities.

(I so cannot improve on this headline):
Dwarf superglues todger to hoover

(or this one):
Flying furry penis pickets

Quote of the Day:

There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.
Albert Camus
And we wonder why Wiccans get a bad name some times.

Holy Sinkhole Batman!

Who crowned Elvis?

My local 'career flasher' hangs up his um...yeah...

The House of Plastics

A novel approach

Recycling is now everywhere.

And God said "let there be eggplant"...

I no longer wonder about our deficit.

Quote of the Day:
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
- Susan Ertz
As Barry Bonds pushes for home run No. 755 to tie one of baseball's most hallowed records, a Colorado sushi restaurant is celebrating the man who set the record — Hank Aaron.

Hapa Sushi Grill ran a half-page ad Thursday in the satirical weekly The Onion that read "Congratulations Hank Aaron on 755 home runs." At the bottom of the page, the ad continues: "Organic beef and chicken, no added steroids." Full-page ads are planned for two Boulder, Colo., daily newspapers starting Friday.

Flying saucers go into production

A flying saucer that glides three metres off the ground and carries two passengers has gone into commercial production.

US company Moller International has begun to manufacture parts for its Jetsons-like personal flying pod, the M200G Volantor.

Great! But, where's my F*ckin' JET PACK?!

No bull?!
A Serbian farmer has been allowed to take his prize bull to prison with him after an emotional appeal to jail bosses.

The world's first treatment centre for nail biters is to open in the Netherlands next month.

Poll result It's official: Muffy Mount is the ultimate nom de sex pour femme, while the splendid Hardy Woodman ran away with the pour homme title.

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - It's a girl — again — for the Duggars. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar welcomed their 17th child, and seventh daughter, into the world Thursday.

Quote of the day:
There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.
- Henry Adams
aamusedinatx: (coffeeblack)
Organizers think they've found the secret to good weather for this weekend's Quick Chek New Jersey Festival of Ballooning — a virgin.

According to an imported superstition, good weather can be assured through a ceremony involving a virgin, some knives and fresh, whole onions and peppers.

A judge known for giving unusual sentences has ordered three men who pleaded guilty to soliciting sex to take turns dressing in a bright yellow chicken costume.

Painesville Municipal Judge Michael Cicconetti agreed to suspend a 30-day jail sentence if they wear the costume between 4 and 7 p.m. Friday outside the court while carrying a sign that reads "No Chicken Ranch in Painesville."

A Polish bus driver has been fired for sending 38,000 text messages on his company cell phone in a losing effort to win contest jackpot, a spokesman said Thursday.

A prize-winning poodle from North Wales has become the latest victim of online identity theft.

Details of the two-year-old poodle, named Afonwen Welch Fusilier, were posted on the internet by proud owner Lynne Day who was keen to show off her dashing hound.

Three Devon councillors have quit the Liberal Democrats after discovering that a fellow party member is offering herself as a £75 a pop topless stripogram

Taser markets electric cattleprod gun to the laydeez

Quote of the Day:
I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father's religion, if they can find out what it is.
Charles Lamb
Tiny brained man the perfect civil servant.

Junk Patriots.

Crime doesn't pay. Sometimes, neither does the law.


I've put the Engima up for bid on eBay. Wonder how much I'll get for him??

These aren't the breasts you're looking for...


Quote of the day:
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
- John Lehman
Can you guess today's theme?

Talk about being flush with cash

Beam me up, Scotty.

Flush with pride.

Edited to add: All Your Butts Are Belong to Us.

Okay, okay, before FQNB goes completely down the toilet...other news of the more GEEK nature:

Grandma on speed.

Luke, I am your Mayor.

A Mow and Blow. Service with a smile! (work safe)

and lastly, a NSFW geek link: the latest iPhone accessory!

Quote of the day:
I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.
- Herb Caen
Well, Officer, define higher education.

Well at least they didn't want to name him 4shizzle

And they complain that all American's eat like this.

Sir, have I told you how thankful I am you hired me?

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Mr Condom!

My stolen car has a first name it O-S-C-A-R...

First PETA and now the EU wants to know do you have a license for that sporran?

Don't go looking for this tryke appearing on Top Gear any time soon.

Quote of the day:
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
- Oscar Wilde
A fatal fetish.

The male and female perspectives on viewing erotica.

What do you mean
it just disappeared?

A nostalgic trip back to East Germany's Glory Days

An argument against Chastity Belts.

The most Hell-spawned net lingo. Dante is spinning in his grave.

Quote of the day:

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
- Miss Piggy
Revenge is a dish best eaten stone cold.

This is not the way to start your career as a licensed driver.

It's a Dead Man's Party, leave your body at the door no more.

Curses! foiled again.

A threat to National Security?

Quote of the day:
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
- Kin Hubbard
aamusedinatx: (coffeeblack)
Not the Open House tour one hopes to have.

They should have seen this coming, shouldn't they?

The demise of the Mile-high Club?

But does he get widower benefits?

I can just see PETA getting their hands on this one.

Cue the theme from Chariots of Fire.

Here's a really sticky situation for ya.

Quote of the day:

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.
- George Bernard Shaw
aamusedinatx: (coffeeblack)
Well, they certainly have a lot of balls.

He certainly had a lot of balls...and really nice shoes.

These two apparently have their brains in their balls.

When you're paranoid you have no balls.

Sentenced to 35 days or Balls Gone Blue!

And, JUST to be different, Rocker's Balls! This is Spinal Tap.

Quote of the day:

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Edgar Bergen
You have the right to remain silent.

On the hot seat in Japan.

Some records are NOT made to be broken.

In Texas sometimes the court witness can be a real ass!

Aren't Poo Bombs usually left on a front porch in a flaming paper bag?

Bring on those Mojitos and Mai Tais!

Wanted, Virgins.

First day on the job and his career goes up in smoke!

Quote of the week:
On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
- Tom Lehrer
aamusedinatx: (coffeeblack)
Meet Nibbles the man-eating rogue seal.

A gunman robbing a convenience store allowed the clerk to call 911 and apologized after the woman said she might be having a heart attack. But he still took $30 and cigarettes. Not exactly a modern day Robin Hood.

Guard in hot water after Bible thumping an inmate.

A Moose once bit my sister.

Where do kids learn this stuff?

OOh!! OOh!! A Papist Suspected Orthodox Brawl!

Fine, but I still want a Sawzall.

Quote of the day:
Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.
- Kurt Vonnegut

Farewell, Kurt!
aamusedinatx: (coffeeblack)
This is why I constantly bang the drum about Americans NEED to PARTICIPATE in their own electoral process.

Adds a new spin to the phrase "EVERYTHING Goes!"

John Cameron Swayze on Global Warming

An innovative way to smuggle drugs goes bust.

The rhyme is NOT "a gherkin a day...".

Gratuitous plug for Top Gear. This guy is irrepressible. Funny, obnoxious, loud. I adore him.

and lastly...

Go Granny! I knew all those Agatha Christie novels would come in handy some day!

Quote of the day:
I loathe the expression "What makes him tick." It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm.
- James Thurber
aamusedinatx: (coffeeblack)
This week we are

20% Extra Long

25% Extra Quirky

10% Less News!

Dr. Sketchy's anti-art school.

It'll be JUST LIKE YOUTUBE without the YOU in it.

Take this McJob and McShove it.

A $12K panty raid.

What people will do to get an up grade.

I'm warning you guys...this one is an OUCH.

(Told ya).

Booze is bad, man. I only do the soft stuff like speed and acid.

Talk about a cover-up!

But officer, the kegs aren't open until after the funeral!

Speaking of officers offending. I think this department is going tits up.

Only in California.

Quote of the day:
In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821)



May 2013

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