Hmmmm.

Exactly how many self-respecting men would confess to being held up and having his car jacked by 4 girls in prom dresses?

Four women dressed in formal attire carjacked a Suisun City man from the parking lot of a Suisun City 7-Eleven late Saturday night, according to police.

x-posted to Note_to_Cat

This obsession you have over cardboard boxes is very amusing, but your current lust for the box my down comforter came in is just a BIT over the top. I have been tripping over you and your box for four weeks now. It's taking up half my living room floor. Twice I thought you were sound asleep in the back room, but as soon as I stood on the living room rug, box cutter in hand to prepare for recycling you appear out of NOWHERE to sprawl in your box and glare at me as if to say 'don't you dare!'

You've chewed all the corners off the flaps. You've licked all the adhesive off the left over bits of tape. There's enough cat hair in there for me to knit a sweater.

When oh WHEN will you grow bored enough for me to toss that bloody box out?!!!

Out of nowhere

One random summer day in 1993 I received a voice mail on my answering machine. Yes, I had one of those archaic, separate-from-the-phone, tape driven answering machine thingies. The caller left no name, no number, I couldn't even tell by the voice who it was. The message said:

Clop clop, clop clop
Clop clop, clop clop

BANG! BANG!

Clop clop, clop clop
Clop clop, clop clop

*click*


There are only so many minutes in which you can stand there looking perplexed and annoyed at an inanimate machine that refuses to yield any new information.

Eventually I shrugged it off as a wrong number. What else can I do?

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKs later, on a sunny Sunday morning, I'm sitting at a local coffee shop with my friend Adam. We're chatting over a latte and a muffin. We've been talking for nearly an hour already when suddenly he says

"You never returned my message."

*blink* "What message."

A sly smile crosses his face.

"Didn't you get a cryptic voice mail message a few weeks ago?"

A light bulb goes off in my head along with the memory of this completely puzzling message on my phone.

"Oh, yes...what the hell was that?"


"An Amish Drive-by Shooting."


It really is a wonder I still speak to him :)

( but wait, it gets better... )