That was the Month that Was
Apr. 26th, 2013 11:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aamusedinatxI haven't written in a bit. It's been overly busy. By the time the end-of-quarter sprint had ended at work, I was driving up to Dallas, late on a Thursday evening, for an early Friday morning date at the hospital for my Mother's knee replacement surgery. Kudos to Fredo who sent me hilariously snarky text messages, while I was sitting 2 feet away from mother in the prep-room and my struggles to keep a straight face, knowing I could not react to lines such as: "She finally having the pole removed from ass?" and "Well, your reward will be great in heaven for even doing this. Even if you do pull a Nurse Rachett or two during her recovery. Too bad she's not getting her jaw wired shut. Now THAT would present some opportunities!"
Surgery went well, I got a good weekend in with my Dad and I went home Sunday afternoon in sunshine.
And...that's when the trouble started.
On Monday at 1pm Mother was transferred to a rehab facility so she could continue to gain strength and get herself up out of bed and to the bathroom etc.
On Monday by 3pm, she had texted my sister that she was home and in bed. When Kriss told me that you had to peel me down off the ceiling; her as well.
My mother had NO INTENTION of staying in a rehab facility. She did not let the doctor's staff choose the facility best suited for her, instead chose one herself based on proximity to the house. And naturally it wasn't up to standard. (Her excuse: It was filthy, unresponsive to her needs and run by those dirty north africans.) (my dad's take on it: She was BENT and there was no negotiating with her so they got her home.) It takes a week to get home health care set up. This meant that my Father was lifting my Mother up and down when he cannot really do that. By Thursday, when my Sister arrived from Chicago, and certainly by Friday night when Carol and I arrived from Austin, my father was down with acute sciatica.
The next ten days were a blur of cancelled flights, 2-4 of us sleeping in shifts to attend two non-mobile individuals, 2 visits to emergency for pain control for my Father, 2 doctor's visits, 4 home healthcare visits, 2 courtesy visits from Mandy who also does home healthcare because we didn't have it set up for my Father yet. My sister and I lost a week at work each, and burned PTO we could have used otherwise. But we had no choice. Because of my Mother's control issues and extremely poor choices and defiance of her doctor, she'd nearly broke my Dad. There were several times I wanted to scream at her "This is because of YOUR selfishness, now I have to fix it so YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE ANY MORE!" I didn't. In fact I never once said "this is your fault." On the other hand every time mother would wring her hands and whine "I messed this up I feel so bad." I didn't absolve her either. My only comment was "Now is all we have to work with--we'll do what we can."
We spent 10 days just getting them into moderate shape to take care of themselves before Kriss and I finally went home. I was back last weekend through this Tuesday (burning ANOTHER 2 days of PTO) to get my Dad a steroid injection which is an outpatient epidural procedure. Now his home healthcare PT starts on Monday.
My Sister and I give great thanks to each other, to our extended family of friends and cousins, our Aunt, loves, so many who helped to keep us sane, even remotely; who let us cry or vent, or yell, and who kept us laughing because if we couldn't find the humor in all this mess we were going to go insane.
This past weekend, while I was there, my Mother was actually cordial. We had a nice visit other than the stress of doctors and outpatient procedures. She thanked me for all I'd done and I think she may have FINALLY believed me when I said "You're welcome, and THIS is why I came back." I told her nearly 2 years ago that I was coming back to Texas because I felt now was the time I needed to be closer and to help more and all I got then was a viscous snort and "yeah--right."
So now, I feel like maybe, JUST maybe, my life can be my own again for a few weeks. I was delighted that I'd booked Carol and I to go see David Sedaris on Wednesday night. It was a wonderful evening out and a lovely reminder that my move to Austin did not lessen my access to arts and culture, in fact it improved it because I also have the financial ability to afford such treats.
Now if we can get through summer with out 3,000 days of 100+ degrees I may be okay! :D
Surgery went well, I got a good weekend in with my Dad and I went home Sunday afternoon in sunshine.
And...that's when the trouble started.
On Monday at 1pm Mother was transferred to a rehab facility so she could continue to gain strength and get herself up out of bed and to the bathroom etc.
On Monday by 3pm, she had texted my sister that she was home and in bed. When Kriss told me that you had to peel me down off the ceiling; her as well.
My mother had NO INTENTION of staying in a rehab facility. She did not let the doctor's staff choose the facility best suited for her, instead chose one herself based on proximity to the house. And naturally it wasn't up to standard. (Her excuse: It was filthy, unresponsive to her needs and run by those dirty north africans.) (my dad's take on it: She was BENT and there was no negotiating with her so they got her home.) It takes a week to get home health care set up. This meant that my Father was lifting my Mother up and down when he cannot really do that. By Thursday, when my Sister arrived from Chicago, and certainly by Friday night when Carol and I arrived from Austin, my father was down with acute sciatica.
The next ten days were a blur of cancelled flights, 2-4 of us sleeping in shifts to attend two non-mobile individuals, 2 visits to emergency for pain control for my Father, 2 doctor's visits, 4 home healthcare visits, 2 courtesy visits from Mandy who also does home healthcare because we didn't have it set up for my Father yet. My sister and I lost a week at work each, and burned PTO we could have used otherwise. But we had no choice. Because of my Mother's control issues and extremely poor choices and defiance of her doctor, she'd nearly broke my Dad. There were several times I wanted to scream at her "This is because of YOUR selfishness, now I have to fix it so YOU'RE NOT IN CHARGE ANY MORE!" I didn't. In fact I never once said "this is your fault." On the other hand every time mother would wring her hands and whine "I messed this up I feel so bad." I didn't absolve her either. My only comment was "Now is all we have to work with--we'll do what we can."
We spent 10 days just getting them into moderate shape to take care of themselves before Kriss and I finally went home. I was back last weekend through this Tuesday (burning ANOTHER 2 days of PTO) to get my Dad a steroid injection which is an outpatient epidural procedure. Now his home healthcare PT starts on Monday.
My Sister and I give great thanks to each other, to our extended family of friends and cousins, our Aunt, loves, so many who helped to keep us sane, even remotely; who let us cry or vent, or yell, and who kept us laughing because if we couldn't find the humor in all this mess we were going to go insane.
This past weekend, while I was there, my Mother was actually cordial. We had a nice visit other than the stress of doctors and outpatient procedures. She thanked me for all I'd done and I think she may have FINALLY believed me when I said "You're welcome, and THIS is why I came back." I told her nearly 2 years ago that I was coming back to Texas because I felt now was the time I needed to be closer and to help more and all I got then was a viscous snort and "yeah--right."
So now, I feel like maybe, JUST maybe, my life can be my own again for a few weeks. I was delighted that I'd booked Carol and I to go see David Sedaris on Wednesday night. It was a wonderful evening out and a lovely reminder that my move to Austin did not lessen my access to arts and culture, in fact it improved it because I also have the financial ability to afford such treats.
Now if we can get through summer with out 3,000 days of 100+ degrees I may be okay! :D
