This musing craves input and feedback.
Jan. 6th, 2005 09:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aamusedinatxAre you bi?
If you ask that question of a woman, you will get a "yes" 30% of the time, at least and I do not say that just because I live in Berkeley, land of 'women in comfortable shoes'. If you ask that question of a man, you get a variety of reactions and responses, from "NO! what made you ask me that?!", to "Nu-huh! Exit only", to "Curious maybe, but I never would do that?", to "I'm not gay", to "maybe", and that rare small percentage who will say "Yes" and most of them are closeted about it.
In a recent poll of men about visual turn-ons, watching two women have sex ranked in the top 3. There seems to me a double standard of the acceptance of bisexuality in those who consider themselves enlightened, uninhibited, or sexually liberated. It is acceptable, enjoyable and encouraged for women to be bisexual. By being so they fulfill their man's secret or not-so-secret wish for a m/f/f threesome, or being a voyeur and able to watch two women go at it. This fantasy is fueled by and proven by the current trends in pornographic films, erotic books, magazine pictorials.
But for that acceptance to swing the other way...Oh no, no, no, no!
I find this sad and I view this as a self-inflicted repression of the male gender. I bark my shins up against this conundrum often. My partner is a bi-male, and we have an ad up as a couple, looking for occasional playmates. We get a lot of guys who write who are dying to try it, but fearful of ANYONE finding out, not just mates, but friends, co-workers etc. Some are okay with touching and maybe oral, but no penetration. Some, very obviously aren't interested in my partner, they're only interested in me, but they'll tolerate him being there. We sift through all these queries like sorting wheat from chaff. There's a lot of chaff.
The ones who seriously irritate me are dominate straight males who offer to humiliate my man in front of me. What infuriates me is the assumption made that he's a cuckold or a thrall. There is not a shred of evidence for this assumption in the text of our ad, or in the photographs which accompany the text. As you might imagine a lot of the email we get we don't even dignify with a response.
So, I have to ask myself this question. Am I bi?
I don't know and that not knowing sort of annoys me. Why? Because I am firm in the belief that bisexuality is the natural way of humans and nature. Hetro and Homo-sexual are simply society labels on what behavior it deems appropriate (and since the fall of Hellenic Greece that always swings the way of hetro- for the perpetuation of the species, the continuance of paternal lines, inheritance, succession and the like).
And if I so firmly believe that, why am I not eagerly embracing bisexuality myself? I've been in m/f/f threesomes before. I've never been offended if a woman makes a pass at me. I go weak at the knees at the scent of the Ethiopian woman on my bus. However, all that aside, sex with a woman is not something I seek out even as an occasional dalliance. When I've been asked out by a woman, I invariably say no, but thank you. The first time that happened to me was on my honeymoon in 1983. I was in the Village Vanguard to hear the McCoy Tyner trio. I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to do, especially with my husband sitting right there. I look back now and I laugh to remember the look on my face and the amused, calculating look on hers. Knowing what I know now...I should have taken her up on that and dumped that little bastard I'd married right then and there.
I am amused by an affectionate, grass-roots campaign among friends of mine to bring me over to the "other side" at least once in a while. And there are those who tease me that I just haven't been with the right woman yet. And they might be right, who knows.
I term myself as "bi-comfortable." I don't seek out the sexual company of women, but in a group situation, I'm perfectly comfortable with groping, kissing, petting and more. It's all part of the shared experience.
I wonder if I will ever hear myself say. "I have a girlfriend." In the intimate sense.
Are you bi?
Are you bi-indifferent?
Are you bi-comfortable?
Are you bi-neutral?
Are you bi-phobic?
Are you bi-anything
And...why. Why, as I have stated many times, is oh, so important to me.
I wonder....
If you ask that question of a woman, you will get a "yes" 30% of the time, at least and I do not say that just because I live in Berkeley, land of 'women in comfortable shoes'. If you ask that question of a man, you get a variety of reactions and responses, from "NO! what made you ask me that?!", to "Nu-huh! Exit only", to "Curious maybe, but I never would do that?", to "I'm not gay", to "maybe", and that rare small percentage who will say "Yes" and most of them are closeted about it.
In a recent poll of men about visual turn-ons, watching two women have sex ranked in the top 3. There seems to me a double standard of the acceptance of bisexuality in those who consider themselves enlightened, uninhibited, or sexually liberated. It is acceptable, enjoyable and encouraged for women to be bisexual. By being so they fulfill their man's secret or not-so-secret wish for a m/f/f threesome, or being a voyeur and able to watch two women go at it. This fantasy is fueled by and proven by the current trends in pornographic films, erotic books, magazine pictorials.
But for that acceptance to swing the other way...Oh no, no, no, no!
I find this sad and I view this as a self-inflicted repression of the male gender. I bark my shins up against this conundrum often. My partner is a bi-male, and we have an ad up as a couple, looking for occasional playmates. We get a lot of guys who write who are dying to try it, but fearful of ANYONE finding out, not just mates, but friends, co-workers etc. Some are okay with touching and maybe oral, but no penetration. Some, very obviously aren't interested in my partner, they're only interested in me, but they'll tolerate him being there. We sift through all these queries like sorting wheat from chaff. There's a lot of chaff.
The ones who seriously irritate me are dominate straight males who offer to humiliate my man in front of me. What infuriates me is the assumption made that he's a cuckold or a thrall. There is not a shred of evidence for this assumption in the text of our ad, or in the photographs which accompany the text. As you might imagine a lot of the email we get we don't even dignify with a response.
So, I have to ask myself this question. Am I bi?
I don't know and that not knowing sort of annoys me. Why? Because I am firm in the belief that bisexuality is the natural way of humans and nature. Hetro and Homo-sexual are simply society labels on what behavior it deems appropriate (and since the fall of Hellenic Greece that always swings the way of hetro- for the perpetuation of the species, the continuance of paternal lines, inheritance, succession and the like).
And if I so firmly believe that, why am I not eagerly embracing bisexuality myself? I've been in m/f/f threesomes before. I've never been offended if a woman makes a pass at me. I go weak at the knees at the scent of the Ethiopian woman on my bus. However, all that aside, sex with a woman is not something I seek out even as an occasional dalliance. When I've been asked out by a woman, I invariably say no, but thank you. The first time that happened to me was on my honeymoon in 1983. I was in the Village Vanguard to hear the McCoy Tyner trio. I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to do, especially with my husband sitting right there. I look back now and I laugh to remember the look on my face and the amused, calculating look on hers. Knowing what I know now...I should have taken her up on that and dumped that little bastard I'd married right then and there.
I am amused by an affectionate, grass-roots campaign among friends of mine to bring me over to the "other side" at least once in a while. And there are those who tease me that I just haven't been with the right woman yet. And they might be right, who knows.
I term myself as "bi-comfortable." I don't seek out the sexual company of women, but in a group situation, I'm perfectly comfortable with groping, kissing, petting and more. It's all part of the shared experience.
I wonder if I will ever hear myself say. "I have a girlfriend." In the intimate sense.
Are you bi?
Are you bi-indifferent?
Are you bi-comfortable?
Are you bi-neutral?
Are you bi-phobic?
Are you bi-anything
And...why. Why, as I have stated many times, is oh, so important to me.
I wonder....
