Things to do in Berkeley when you're Dead
Sep. 4th, 2005 07:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aamusedinatxDay two and still one more day to go.
For a person who finds weekends always at least a half a day too long, three-day weekends are hell.
I'm perfectly capable of being alone without being lonely, but there are exceptions.
All three boys are out of town.
The Engima is in the air now, landing about 10pm our time. He's between Chicago and San Francisco now I can actually 'feel' him hurling this way. When my IM window chimes tonight with his weary "I'm home, a kiss until tomorrow, I'm exhausted." The 'pause' button on my life will release. I was talking to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
minofsin06 about this yesterday. My entire life has been spent as a nomad. I grew up away from almost everyone I knew and was related to. Therefor the mechanisms and hooks by which we learn to hold onto and generate feelings of belonging, of home, of homesickness and of longing, missing loved ones, I never really had. The first time I ever experienced the heart wrenching ache of absence was after I met the Enigma. I was unprepared for that emotional attack from within. Three years later, I still find I don't cope with it well. I don't understand it. I lack context, and I feel emotionally underdeveloped, immature about the whole thing.
To think..it took me 41 years to love someone so much I miss them when they're gone.
Dr. Lust is closer but also gone. He's down south near San Diego at a family wedding. We had such a lovely, close time together Thursday evening. He called me Saturday briefly to say hello. I miss him too, though on different levels. He's rarely gone as long, travels as far, and it may be that the experiences I've gained over three years of dealing with long-distance with Enigma have strengthened me somewhat in this rare absences of his. I don't know. He'll be back Monday, I believe and I look forward to hearing how his weekend went.
The Mad Scientist, so newly back from Oregon is dad all weekend this weekend and out of pocket. And when he returns he returns first to the Kitten with a Whip...which is entirely appropriate.
And so, this weekend, I'm left to my own devices. I've been puttering around the house, cleaning up, I've played with the animals, caught up on my sleep, caught up on the long lost English bloke. I did some work, rescued some old images off of several computers and compiled them all onto my new personal laptop. Having done so, I created several new LJ Icons for my own amusement--and hopefully yours. Most of which I created from art work or imagery collected over the years. One or two pre-made which I stole.
Sue me.
This evening, dinner, relaxation, some writing, some game playing and who knows what else. I've had to make myself stand down from the news. It raises my blood pressure, infuriates and tears at me. Helpless rage is exactly that--helpless. And I feel a loss as to how best channel that rage to good purpose.
Sure, I can bang it out here, bucket my own mental bilge for you to glare at, but what point is that? The only posts I make which garner any response, it seems, are humor and sex. Silence when I wax eloquent on issues important to me gets a bit soul destroying after a time.
And so, we'll see what comes up in other news and other topics for a while.
For a person who finds weekends always at least a half a day too long, three-day weekends are hell.
I'm perfectly capable of being alone without being lonely, but there are exceptions.
All three boys are out of town.
The Engima is in the air now, landing about 10pm our time. He's between Chicago and San Francisco now I can actually 'feel' him hurling this way. When my IM window chimes tonight with his weary "I'm home, a kiss until tomorrow, I'm exhausted." The 'pause' button on my life will release. I was talking to
minofsin06 about this yesterday. My entire life has been spent as a nomad. I grew up away from almost everyone I knew and was related to. Therefor the mechanisms and hooks by which we learn to hold onto and generate feelings of belonging, of home, of homesickness and of longing, missing loved ones, I never really had. The first time I ever experienced the heart wrenching ache of absence was after I met the Enigma. I was unprepared for that emotional attack from within. Three years later, I still find I don't cope with it well. I don't understand it. I lack context, and I feel emotionally underdeveloped, immature about the whole thing. To think..it took me 41 years to love someone so much I miss them when they're gone.
Dr. Lust is closer but also gone. He's down south near San Diego at a family wedding. We had such a lovely, close time together Thursday evening. He called me Saturday briefly to say hello. I miss him too, though on different levels. He's rarely gone as long, travels as far, and it may be that the experiences I've gained over three years of dealing with long-distance with Enigma have strengthened me somewhat in this rare absences of his. I don't know. He'll be back Monday, I believe and I look forward to hearing how his weekend went.
The Mad Scientist, so newly back from Oregon is dad all weekend this weekend and out of pocket. And when he returns he returns first to the Kitten with a Whip...which is entirely appropriate.
And so, this weekend, I'm left to my own devices. I've been puttering around the house, cleaning up, I've played with the animals, caught up on my sleep, caught up on the long lost English bloke. I did some work, rescued some old images off of several computers and compiled them all onto my new personal laptop. Having done so, I created several new LJ Icons for my own amusement--and hopefully yours. Most of which I created from art work or imagery collected over the years. One or two pre-made which I stole.
Sue me.
This evening, dinner, relaxation, some writing, some game playing and who knows what else. I've had to make myself stand down from the news. It raises my blood pressure, infuriates and tears at me. Helpless rage is exactly that--helpless. And I feel a loss as to how best channel that rage to good purpose.
Sure, I can bang it out here, bucket my own mental bilge for you to glare at, but what point is that? The only posts I make which garner any response, it seems, are humor and sex. Silence when I wax eloquent on issues important to me gets a bit soul destroying after a time.
And so, we'll see what comes up in other news and other topics for a while.
