For My Sister's 40th Birthday...
Feb. 27th, 2006 07:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aamusedinatxShe is the first to bemoan the lack of pictures we have of her as an infant. My dad was shooting mostly slide film back then and we don't even have a projector any more. She will say "I know I was a black-market baby."
And so, back in November, my Mother asked me if I had anything special planned to fete my sister's 40th birthday.
"Yes," I said, "I'm going to give her a bill of sale as a black-market baby."
There was a protracted silence on the other end and then "Oh you are horrible!" (pause)"You know your sister's going to love it.
After months of hemming and hawing, and waiting until nearly the very last minute (I climb on the plane Thursday morning) I have the document written. I'll print it out on parchment paper, give it ribbon and a wax seal. Clip a picture of her when she was but a few days old to it, and stick it in a shadow box frame.
An image to show you the old, Colonial style font I choose can be found here in my scrapbook.
The text of the document is below the LJ cut:
Printed and Sold by Seagriesius Farmenclature of Bha-al’s Enterprises: The Finest Purveyor in Black Market Goods, No. 135 Balboa Street. California, USA
KNOW BY ALL THESE PRESENTS that I, Seagriesius Farmenclature, of the State of California, for and in consideration of the sum agreed upon, lawful money in the United States, in hand paid by J**** ****** and Wife, at or before the sealing and delivery of these presents, the receipt whereof is hereby acknowledged: HAVE granted, bargained, horse-traded, sworn to on my Mother’s, Aunt’s, Uncle’s, Sister’s-in-law’s grave do grant by bargain and sell unto said gentleman and lady a small childe of fair complexion, alleged to be from a lineage of pleasant features and of fine temperament. Her gums are pink and plenty and her teeth guaranteed to grow in pearly white before age twenty and five. She has ten toes and ten fingers, the accepted number of digits for such childes. All eyes, nose, ears, and tongue are deemed to be in their proper and seemly positions. The parties are assured that the childe’s small stature and squally disposition will be outgrown and by mature years this swaddling duckling will emerge a graceful swan of proud carriage.
The childe arrives with cot, underpinnings, bedding, bottles, pram and all other items provided in our Custom Childe Starter-kit to which I, Seagriesius, have title, and to which I attest did not fall off the back of my cousin’s Albertrosian’s truck. To Have and to Hold all singular goods, chattels, and childe above bargained and sold or mentioned or intended to be sold, to the said persons, their executors, administrators and assigns forever and against all and every other person or persons whatsoever shall and will warrant forever defend these presents in witness & whereof I sworn on my black-market honor, as finest purveyor of healthy childrens, have hereunto set my hand and seal this balmy and altogether disgustingly gorgeous February of 1966.
hee hee....
I'm sooooooooooooo goin to hell for this one :)
And so, back in November, my Mother asked me if I had anything special planned to fete my sister's 40th birthday.
"Yes," I said, "I'm going to give her a bill of sale as a black-market baby."
There was a protracted silence on the other end and then "Oh you are horrible!" (pause)"You know your sister's going to love it.
After months of hemming and hawing, and waiting until nearly the very last minute (I climb on the plane Thursday morning) I have the document written. I'll print it out on parchment paper, give it ribbon and a wax seal. Clip a picture of her when she was but a few days old to it, and stick it in a shadow box frame.
An image to show you the old, Colonial style font I choose can be found here in my scrapbook.
The text of the document is below the LJ cut:
Printed and Sold by Seagriesius Farmenclature of Bha-al’s Enterprises: The Finest Purveyor in Black Market Goods, No. 135 Balboa Street. California, USA
KNOW BY ALL THESE PRESENTS that I, Seagriesius Farmenclature, of the State of California, for and in consideration of the sum agreed upon, lawful money in the United States, in hand paid by J**** ****** and Wife, at or before the sealing and delivery of these presents, the receipt whereof is hereby acknowledged: HAVE granted, bargained, horse-traded, sworn to on my Mother’s, Aunt’s, Uncle’s, Sister’s-in-law’s grave do grant by bargain and sell unto said gentleman and lady a small childe of fair complexion, alleged to be from a lineage of pleasant features and of fine temperament. Her gums are pink and plenty and her teeth guaranteed to grow in pearly white before age twenty and five. She has ten toes and ten fingers, the accepted number of digits for such childes. All eyes, nose, ears, and tongue are deemed to be in their proper and seemly positions. The parties are assured that the childe’s small stature and squally disposition will be outgrown and by mature years this swaddling duckling will emerge a graceful swan of proud carriage.
The childe arrives with cot, underpinnings, bedding, bottles, pram and all other items provided in our Custom Childe Starter-kit to which I, Seagriesius, have title, and to which I attest did not fall off the back of my cousin’s Albertrosian’s truck. To Have and to Hold all singular goods, chattels, and childe above bargained and sold or mentioned or intended to be sold, to the said persons, their executors, administrators and assigns forever and against all and every other person or persons whatsoever shall and will warrant forever defend these presents in witness & whereof I sworn on my black-market honor, as finest purveyor of healthy childrens, have hereunto set my hand and seal this balmy and altogether disgustingly gorgeous February of 1966.
hee hee....
I'm sooooooooooooo goin to hell for this one :)
